Eyes Opened

3:55 a.m.  Awake.  Have been for over 2 hours.  Wrestling with what I've seen, what I've lived, what I know and can never "un-know".  I wouldn't really want to un-know it, even if I could.  I feel like I am living in 2 very different worlds.  My physical body is here, in the land of food in the pantry and family snuggled together.  My mind is often there, with children who are starving, literally.  For food, for affection, for so much.
I can't pretend they aren't there.  I don't want to, really.  So many times, I have asked God to break my heart for the things that break His.  I think when I prayed that, I thought it would be a one-time sort of breaking.  That one-time thing really hasn't been my experience.  I am not really sure what to do with it now.
There is so much that I have "held back".  I share selectively, trying to stay positive, give the information, focus on moving forward.  Maybe I have held back too much.
These children are real.  They are.  My child is real.  Their needs are real.
I truly believe that one day, Jesus is coming back.  I believe that wrongs will be made right, and this world we are in is temporary.  This world they are in is temporary.  That is my hope.  Helping them live here now is our responsibility.